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Disclaimer: We are far from perfect.
I get this question constantly and I’m not exaggerating. Like all couples, we butt heads and dislike each other at moments, but we never stop loving each other.
People usually say, “we accept the love we think we deserve,” and so I guess Perks of Being a Wallflower made us all think we are accepting crappy, deserving love; whatever, this is my motto:
We love others the way we want to be loved.
Think about that.
Say it again in your head.
Good.
That is my number one piece of advice—consider this at all times during your relationship.
Lemme break it down for you.
Example: To show Brian affection I’d make him cutesy things or surprise him with food at work. To show me affection, Brian would try to be extra romantic and “make a move.” Before considering this motto of mine, we would shrug off these mutual acts of love and pretend to be into it and get insulted that it was under-appreciated. After realizing we were trying to express acts of love in ways we would want it expressed to us, it gave us an opportunity to change perspectives and tokens of affections.
Starting to make sense? Let’s continue.
We have the silliest, yet serious little rules to follow to help us never forget why we are in this in the first place.
1) It doesn't matter if we don't talk all day or all night. But, we have to let each other know when either of us gets home safe.
2) Respect friend time. It doesn't matter if we haven't seen each other all week-- If I tell him Sydney wants to get dinner with me, he encourages me to do that instead of see him. When he tells me Kyle wants to hit up a new bar in town and we had planned on seeing each other, that's cool. We will reschedule our time because we are together more often.
3) A cliche, but, we never let each other go to bed mad or upset. Even if we are arguing and it isn't 100% resolved by bed time, we let each other know that it will be okay tomorrow and say our i-love-yous
4) We have to make an effort to change our perspectives at situations that make us angry/upset. For example: Brian is being jerky and in a bad mood. Instead of me jumping to conclusions and freaking out that he is "so miserable on date night," I've learned to replace that with asking if he had a rough day at work.
Another question I always get:
Why do I feel like Brian is always taking you on a helicopter?
lmao okay it was only, like, TWICE people!
He phrased a viewpoint to me as an ultimatum: Would you rather go to a local bar every night, or would you rather kick it at home and save money to splurge on expensive dates?
So when I looked at it that way, I easily chose option #2.
This "secret" is one Brian created when we first started dating and it never fails. We always have something to look forward to and always make the coolest memories together.
ANYWAY, we aren't perfect despite the fact we are always asked that question.
However, we both make a genuine effort to follow our little guidelines because we are both in this for the long run, ya know?
